Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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