dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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