Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
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I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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