saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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