I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
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What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
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He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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