i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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