The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
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I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
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Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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