god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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