Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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