You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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