I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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