Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize