saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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