party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
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I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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