so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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