Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize