So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
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i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
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You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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