Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
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Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
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He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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