I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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