The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
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And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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