It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
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We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
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I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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