i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize