I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
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There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
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the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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