just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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