Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
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She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
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I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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