M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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