I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
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do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
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I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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