My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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