Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize