I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
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Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
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Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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