I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
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Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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