You can't special order awesome
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
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That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
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Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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