U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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