birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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