My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize