I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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