You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
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just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
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I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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