I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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