Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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