Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
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I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
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Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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