Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
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You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
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This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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