WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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