Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
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He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
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Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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