I have demons in me.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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