I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize