so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize