if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
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So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
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I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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