why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize