Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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