omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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